Some people have suggested a Blackburn man’s deceased father is trying to contact him from the dead, through his old electric shaver.

When his dad passed away, the man spent a lot of time clearing out his parents’ house.  This included giving away most of their furniture and possessions to various charitable institutions.  But some items were in such good condition, he decided to keep them for his own personal use.  One of these was his dad’s old electric shaver, which was relatively new and still in good working order.

His own shaver had reached the end of its tether, to the point of scratching and cutting his face.  So he saw no reason not use his dad’s appliance instead.  At first there was nothing wrong with using this electric shaver, but after a few days strange sounds began to emanate from this machine.  What started out as crackling and buzzing soon became discernible sounds.

At first the buzzing seemed to follow a pattern, like Morse Code.  His dad had been in the Royal Corps of Signals while serving in the army.  So this seemed uncanny.  Could this series of crackling sounds be a form of ghostly communication,  perhaps a message from beyond the grave?

It needed looking into.  Although a sceptic, he was open minded enough to try and resolve this unusual situation.  After all, there have been all sorts of reports and stories over the years of odd noises in pipework, or electrical equipment doing strange things, such as flashing and crackling.

Word soon got out regarding his ‘haunted’ shaver, leading to an appearance in the local media.  It garnered a lot of interest, especially from across the Atlantic Ocean.  This led to suggestions calling for the shaver to be exorcised.  Not even a clairvoyant could have predicted this.

And so a seance was arranged, which took place in the studio of a local radio station.  It was a sensation, gaining world-wide reaction.  The radio  station switchboard was jammed with callers ringing in  with their theories.  They proclaimed it to be a miracle, poltergeist activity and even contact from aliens.

But to the owner of this so-called haunted electric shaver, it was just a load of snap crackle and pop.  He ended up selling his dad’s electric shaver for a princely sum to a rich client with deep pockets.  This was after being made an offer he couldn’t refuse.  Not bad for an intermittent fault, or a loose wire.

There are certain mysteries in life which beguile us, but we tend not to pursue their meaning.

One of these is what is that little pocket inside a pair of jeans, above the front right hand one for?  Another is the black diamond mark on those annoying metal tape measures.  The tape nearly cuts your hand when you let it return on its own after trying to measure your height.

But one of the strangest mysteries of all are these obscure carved signs which appear on some of our older buildings.  At first they look like the sign of the ancient Carthaginians, before the Romans finished them off.  But on closer inspection, the sign looks more like a three legged stool.

These are known as ‘Benchmarks’.  They are used as a way of measuring height above sea level and are placed there by the Ordnance Survey.  Many of us are familiar with maps from this government agency.  Some of us even understand what the symbols mean, such as a church with a spire, or a tower, or even a triangulation (trig) point.  But Benchmarks are a different kettle of fish altogether.

Some of these chiselled signs, usually a line with an arrow underneath, can date back as far as the early 19^th century.  The Ordnance Survey started to use them during mapping and surveying projects.  They were used to define a precise height above sea level.  This process was carried out using spirit leveling.  The horizontal marks were used to support a stable ‘bench’ for a leveling stave to rest on – hence ‘benchmarks’.  This design ensured that a stave could be accurately repositioned in the future and that all marks were uniform.

Unfortunately to many of us, this process sounds a bit complicated.  So it was probably a good idea leaving it to the surveyors and stone masons to carry out the work of calculating how far above sea level these buildings where.  At least we were safe in the knowledge Blackburn was too high up to be deluged by the sea.

There were over 500,000 benchmarks created, but this number is diminishing as roads change and buildings are demolished.  The advent of Global Positioning System (GPS) has replaced Benchmarks due to its highly accurate way of measuring and coordinating height above sea level anywhere in the world.  It has become the international standard for mapping and surveying.

Benchmarks may now have been consigned to the history books and old mapping archives.  As is the way of all technology, there’s always something approaching round the corner to replace the current norm.  But they played a valuable part in the surveying of our country and helped the Ordnance Survey to produce much needed accurate maps.

Blackburn still has a few public clocks in its town centre.  Not all of them tell the time correctly, or even at all.

Due to most people these days wearing watches, or using their mobile phones, finding the correct time is now at your fingertips or in your handbag or pocket.  But a couple of clocks not only tell the time, but let you know all about it.  Best one to start with is Blackburn Cathedral, which makes a big noise about its timekeeping.  Its three dials all tell the same time and it’s always correct.  Although its near neighbour, in Morrisons, chimes the same time a bit later.  Whether it’s the lamb or the lion which meets the pips, is up for debate.

Unfortunately the triangle which makes up Cathedral Square has another clock.  This one is high up on Blackburn Railway Station.  It stays as quiet as a mouse when its neighbours sound off.  Its fingers don’t seem to have moved for years, a bit like trains on a strike day.  Fortunately for travellers, this clock doesn’t determine what times trains are running.

As well as the aforementioned timepieces, Blackburn’s most well-known public clock must be its tower one on King William Street.  Sadly, only one of its dials tells the correct time.  Though the other couple do so twice a day.  This must be Blackburn’s most confusing clock.

Many Blackburners don’t realise there are more public clocks to be discovered in our town centre.  If you look across from St John’s Church on Victoria Street, you will see a clock on the building at the side of a local solicitors.  This timepiece always seems to be running and keeping good time.  Being connected to a law firm, it should know all about doing time.

Perhaps the most mysterious public clock in our town centre is the one at Sudell Cross.  It actually used to be based in one of Bradford’s railway stations.  There is a plaque next to the dial which says:  ‘Bought and erected in 1984 by J.H. Cartwright for the people of Blackburn’.  It’s worth remembering how standard time came about due to the advent of Britain’s railways.  Like the one at Blackburn Station, this tyke clock doesn’t seem to keep time on this side of the Pennines.

Time is one of those few things most of us want to believe to be accurate.  But like the news, it often gets distorted.  Maybe there are more public clocks ticking around Blackburn town centre?  Finding them just takes a bit of time, but don’t let it wind you up.

Britain’s secret intelligence service wants to set up a northern college.  Blackburn has been mentioned as a possible location.

Spying, the second oldest profession in the world, is as relevant today as it ever was and new recruits are always very much sought after.  But this is not a simple process.  They must have at least a decade of work experience, so cannot join straight from school, college or university.  There is a very long painstaking application form, which includes potentially embarrassing questions on both the application form and during the job interview.

Candidates will also have to go through a stringent vetting procedure.  This can not only include yourself, but close family members too.  Advice here is don’t put on Facebook that you’re applying for a job with British Intelligence.  All previous convictions for misdemeanours must also be declared.  Being the intelligence service, they will find anything on your record – or not declared – no matter how far back or so trivial, you don’t mention it.

Our town has been suggested as a venue for the spy academy due to its reputation for having an amiable local population.  Blackburners are known for being friendly, some may say even nosy.  This could make it a good place to test intelligence gathering skills.  These would include dead letter drops, microdots, bugs and the use of invisible ink.

This spy academy, by its very nature, will wish to keep its location as secret as possible, like the MI6 building at Albert Embankment in London.  One form of this secrecy will be the college having a ‘Man from U.N.C.L.E.’ style entrance to its premises.  This is where a laundry acted as a front in this hit American spy TV series.  It then led through secure corridors to a covert operations unit.  Something similar was done in the British series ‘UFO’, were the spies came from outer space.

Hopefully any such facility in Blackburn could turn out to be a national asset and its administrators will learn from mistakes made in the past at similar facilities.  On one such occasion a team of trainees were supposed to follow an alleged spy into a pub.  This exercise went horribly wrong when the trainees paid for drinks and a meal.  But by the time they sat down to their meal and drinks, their target upped and left the hostelry.  They said:  “Sod him” and got stuck into their food and drink instead and ended up having right a good knees up in the boozer.  Nothing like that should be expected in Blackburn.