The Pidge Piper of Blackburn

Like most British towns and cities, Blackburn has a pigeon problem.  They foul buildings and monuments, along with unsuspecting members of the public.  This is even more difficult to put a stop to when these pests can just up and fly away.

After trying all sorts of ideas and failing with them all, a new approach was needed.  There was also a problem of people feeding pigeons and not wanting to see them shot or poisoned.  This has led to an increase in their population, resulting in even more destruction to buildings due to their fouling.

In Germany’s medieval town of Hamelin, there is a legend of this town being overrun by rats several centuries ago.  Its Burgomaster was approached by a mysterious stranger called the Pied Piper, who claimed he could rid this town of rats by playing a pipe and getting them to follow him to their deaths by drowning in a nearby river.  Its city fathers were sceptical, but agreed to pay the piper if he could rid Hamelin of its rat infestation.

The Pied Piper was true to his word.  Sadly, Hamelin’s city fathers were not true to theirs and refused to pay him his agreed fee.  So he played his pipe again.  This time children of the town followed in his wake, never to be seen again.  Therefore, if it can be done with rats and children – why not pigeons?

Feral pigeons, found in our towns and cities, are descended from the Wild Rock Dove, which still exists today and has a homing instinct.  Scientists believe pigeons use their sense of smell, Earth’s magnetic field and infrasound to navigate whilst in flight.  If a way can be found to disrupt a pigeon’s navigation system, we may be able to rid them from our town centre.

One suggestion is to ask Blackburn’s ice cream vans to converge on our town centre and all play their musical sounds simultaneously.  Tom Lehrer’s song ‘Poisoning Pigeons in the Park’ has been suggested.  When these terrified birds fly away, a robot version would be released to fly with them.  This avian decoy would get the real pigeons to follow it by releasing an odour which smells of pizza and kebabs, reminding them of where they like to roost.  Once away from their hometown, this robot pigeon would then become a modern version of the Pied Piper by emitting an infrasound which would disorientate these pigeons in flight.

At the other end of our county is located a men-only club which still doesn’t allow females of the human species.  But it takes a very keen interest in those of a pigeon variety.  Perhaps they can offer their hospitality to our town’s unwanted feathered friends.

Roving Mick

https://www.rovingmick.com

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