Alice In Sports Wonderland
Little Alice was making her first trip to watch Blackburn Rovers. She’d heard stories from the Brothers Grimm, about horrible goblins called nob enders and dingles, who told fairy tales about their football teams. So Alice wanted to go to Ewonderland and see a real magical team.
Across from the ground was a mysterious building called Sports Wonderland. Outside, a big red-maned lion with a blue face ran close by her. He was rushing around saying: ‘I’m late, I’m late! I’ve got to get inside the ground in time’. He grabbed her by the hand and led her inside this strange building.
But only a Mad Hatter would go into this building as Alice was to find out. She went up to the Queen of Hearts, who was varnishing her nails while sitting at her till-throne.
‘Can I see a mini kit please?’ Alice asked.
‘Oh we don’t have things like that in here,’ the queen replied, grinning like a Cheshire cat.
‘Besides, you can’t even have a real shirt because we haven’t got all the letters. No ‘A’s today. Unless you want LICE on the back. Why don’t you buy a bottle of this fizzy stuff instead? The one that says “Drink Me”. Go on, be a devil.’
It was all very well to say, “Drink Me,” but the wise little Alice was not going to do that in a hurry. ‘No, I’ll look first’, she said, ‘and see whether it’s marked ‘poison’ or not’; for she had read several nice little stories about burning your hand on hot pokers and cutting yourself. Sadly, Alice had the feeling she might get her fingers burnt in this strange building.
After unsuccessfully trying to buy other things to do with Rovers, Alice cried a pool of tears. She felt she needed to escape from this land of insanity. Then suddenly she saw a door and decided this could be her chance of escape.
Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not much larger than a rat-hole. She knelt down and looked along the passage and outside was the loveliest fountain you ever saw. How she longed to get out of the dark hall, and wander about among those cool fountains and look at the statue of the kindly old man with his arms in the air. But she could not get her head through the doorway. But her luck changed when an arm came through the passage holding a potato pie saying ‘Eat Me’. Alice took a bite and began to shrink. Then she was able to escape from Sports Wonderland.
Outside, Alice started growing again and soon regained her true size. It was very odd, this shrinking feeling. It was a bit like trying to find the number of Rovers related items in Sports Wonderland. But she was free and went to watch her heroes across the road. She vowed never to go into this strange building again and watched her beloved Rovers in the real Wonderland.