Gay Pigeons Stop Rovers Fouling
Complaints about bird droppings fouling the Ewood Park surroundings have prompted Rovers to take part in a unique experiment.
Scientists at Lancaster University have created a strain of gay pigeon. These birds are more aggressive than heterosexual ones. They have been bred as a way of bringing down the spiraling pigeon population.
This fouling problem came to light during a photo shoot on the club car park. Despite attempts to run an advertising campaign for high performance cars, bird droppings had to be constantly wiped off paintwork and windscreens.
Local residents too say they’re fed up of having bird droppings landing on their washing. Players have also complained about this problem on many occasions. One said it stopped them pulling the birds.
Lancaster University was involved in experiments in Africa to rid areas of malaria. They produced sterile mosquitoes using microwave ovens, then released them into the wild. Mosquitoes only mate once. This meant the sterile ones, by a combination of male and female coupling, were able to produce infertile eggs. This helped eradicate malaria and yellow fever throughout Sub-Saharan Africa.
Further experiments have been carried out upon pigeons. Incredibly it is the only animal species, apart from humans, to have homosexual tendencies. It occurs when populations become too dense. The gay ones impede the breeding process. Similar means of population control occur in other animal species. Lemmings and Springboks are probably the most notable examples of this form of reduction control.
Rovers have thrown their weight behind the experiment. They said they will do anything they can to stop all the fouling. Hopefully this might help create a few more clean sheets.