Month: January 2014

Cyber Rovers

Posted by Roving Mick on January 27, 2014

Fantasy Football

Fantasy Football.  Are your sure?

Can you imagine a future world, where Rovers fans only watch football on TV.  Where the growth of satellite TV and ‘streaming’ is making football more available for supporters to watch.  So the pub, computer and home telly becomes the only place fans ever see a match.

This Orwellian world is already with us (but don’t tell anyone).  So let us imagine our game’s hierarchy decide they want more of the money being paid to footballers and their agents going to them.  What’s to stop them creating their own cyber team?  Then using their football thought control to persuade us it’s a good thing.  Now they have the medium already.  Virtual teams wouldn’t need grounds, or fans inside them.  This would be great for health & safety.  No need to supply food or drink, or pay police or stewards.

Football games would become like ‘The Truman Show’.  Advertising could be taken to a new and sinister level.  Subliminal messages could be sent during play, as well as at half time.  Press your red button and you could even adjust your team’s performance or skill level.  A win, draw or even a loss could be your desired result.

And so our cyber game kicks off down the pub (behind closed doors is official FIFA newspeak – but there’s still plenty of canned noise).  After a delay to get in a few more adverts and a message from our sponsor.  It’s Rovers, with Shearer and Garner up front, playing a European game against Bayer Red Bull Philips.  These European fans seem to speak such good English:  “I’m lovin’ it” they sing.  Nobody understands this really as Rovers are already one up, with a goal by Shearer, from a Bryan Douglas cross.

While our players congratulate each other, all sorts of adverts are shown before the game kicks off again.  Several goals are scored for both sides.  But there are complaints from people watching this game about strange chants and singing changing from English into Mandarin Chinese.  A commentator apologises, saying it’s satellite interference from Shanghai Sports.  They are angry, saying Rovers broke a sponsorship agreement by not playing a Chinese player.

At the end of ninety minutes most viewers have some strange desire to eat turkey pizza and drink blueberry cola.  It came to them during a simultaneous camera flash.  But today’s match was played to a finish.  Our match ends with Rovers winning by just one goal – 7-6 – after extra time.  Today’s sponsor – Blueberry Pizzashop – was very pleased indeed.

This is fantasy football of a new kind.  Brainwashing with soap opera thrown in too.  But how would most football fans know anyway?  Do you control football?  Or does football control you?  Kick off time is when the clock strikes thirteen – anywhere in the world.  This could be football’s future.  So get down to Ewood Park instead, where the real thing isn’t just a fizzy drink.

Sally Sticky Fingers

Posted by Roving Mick on January 21, 2014

Not this time!

We had a recent case in the news of an admin worker stealing money from the bank account of a resident of a local hostel.  The worker was in a trusted position and they abused their role over a lengthy period of time.  The resident had mental health issues, making the crime even more despicable.

Coverage in the local media was scant.  Only a small inside page column with an unidentifiable photograph.  Their article was mainly coverage used in their previous report.  There was not even a mention of this case on any of the local radio stations.

It seemed like everybody got the result they wanted.  The police, the bank and the hostel were all able to slap themselves on the back and brush this case under the carpet, saying justice had been done.  After all, a thief had been sent to prison and the victim would get back what money they all thought had probably gone missing.

Unfortunately our victim has mental health problems.  He has no idea how much money has been stolen because he put his trust in the admin worker for many years.  They will probably serve a couple of months in prison and return to their pious life and everything will soon be forgotten.

Our swindler used to be a pillar of the community.  Partaking of religion on a Sunday and praying for the kind of unfortunate souls they were to commit this heinous offence against.  Whereas our victim was despised by the community because of his circumstances.  Yet our victim has never harmed a fly and is often seen by many of us carrying out voluntary work in the town centre.

Maybe we should all shoulder some of the blame over what has happened to our victim.  We treat the mentally ill with disdain, blaming them for their own reduced circumstances.  In our area there used to be hospitals where they received professional care.  These were sold off for their land and property value, leading to many vulnerable people expelled into a society which saw them as an unwelcome burden.

Sadly we have seen terrible cases of exploitation by others, including the admin worker, currently inside.  Unscrupulous people will always home in on vulnerable people with mental health issues.  Perhaps the case of our victim is just the tip of the iceberg.  Perhaps this appalling case will make society look at exploitation of the mentally ill.  Or will everybody carry on regardless and have as much interest as the authorities have shown?