Winos Form Blackburn Rovers Supporters Branch
Blackburn‘s town centre winos are to set up their own Rovers supporters’ branch.
The news comes following reports of a local supporters branch – the Ewood Blues Independent Supporters Association – being sponsored by Scottish and Newcastle Breweries. The winos believe they could win a similar deal from one of the local beer brewers, or even better, a cider maker.
A spokesman for the Bus Station Branch of the winos, Cider Bob, would not give interviews until he was paid some loose change. He reckoned he was running a little short on his bus fare home. After disappearing for ten minutes then returning with a bottle of cider, he spoke to our reporter. This was after a few swallows and his shakes had stopped.
“We’re all Rovers fans round here. Look, we’ve even got blue noses.”
“Every time Rovers are on satellite TV we crowd into the shopping mall and stand outside the television shops. I just wish they could stop those green snakes and pink elephants from invading the pitch.”
Cider Bob also reckons having their own supporters group could open a lot of doors for the winos. Normally these get shown to them, or slammed in their faces.
“We must be some kind of a charity case because people are always giving us money. Maybe we could get a European social grant from Blackburn Council, or a lottery handout. We’d really prefer sponsorship from a brewery though. After all, they want people to drink more of their beer. We agree, we’re trying our best to do just that.”
The first thing the winos want is their own premises. Shelter H on the bus station is cold and draughty and lacks privacy. The winos also keep being moved by police and bus drivers. Cider Bob believes the disused Pavilions on Church Street would be ideal for Blackburn’s wino community clubhouse. This would kill two birds with one stone. Nobody seems to know what to do with the Pavilions. What better use than allowing Blackburn’s oldest minority to take over them.
For now though, the winos have to settle for watching live Blackburn Rovers football matches outside TV shops, or through the window of the Adelphi pub. This is all right, apart from when it rains and waters down the booze. But one day the winos may have their own independent supporter’s branch, meeting in its own premises. It would be interesting to see which player they would pick as their Honorary President.