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Where Are The Wrinklies?

Why are there so few mature students at Blackburn College?

In the midst of the teenage multitude, an occasional rare glimpse of grey can be seen creaking slowly through the college campus.

Wrinkly watchers must be patient so as not to confuse them with college lecturers.  To distinguish between the two species, get them to turn out their pockets, or look at their bank balances.  Lecturers sometimes try to pretend they are students.  But not at lunchtime.  They herd into their own feeding grounds.

You can tell male wrinklies from the females by the plumage around their faces.  This is often shed after bets and during charitable events.  The female wrinkly differs from younger members of her species by tending to wear jeans that aren’t two sizes too big for her.  The male is often absent from Monday morning lectures, after consuming too much liquid from the oasis the night before.

At lunchtimes if you are careful, wrinklies can be spotted outside a derelict building, behind the college.  It is believed to be what is left of one of their ancient temples.  This pub was called ‘The Peel’.  These ancient temples date back to an earlier civilisation, before the High Priestess came to power and shut down all the factories.

The wrinklies romanticise about these good old days.  They relish happy days when strange creatures joined together as a team playing in blue and white.  Great herds of wrinklies would gather at the riverside.  They would then roar at the other animals, which were in cages in other parts of the stadium.  This was the forbidden zone called the Darwen End.

This could be a dangerous experience for some.  Dark blue predators, called coppers, lurked at the edge of the herd.  These predators hunted in packs.  They would pounce on a wrinkly if he was unsteady on his feet after drinking too much of those fruits of fields.

Late in the afternoon a piercing warble would sound.  This was made by a black creature called the refer-flea.  This sound would create a stampede, many being crushed as they left the riverside.

Later on the female would provide her mate with sustenance.  Then they would leave their den and drink even more liquid together.  This could lead to even more mating rituals.  But it depended if earlier the strange blue and white creatures laid golden eggs beneath their perches.  Otherwise the male would be cantankerous and kick out the other little creatures which shared the den.

If you catch a glimpse of them at the college stay clear.  Wrinklies are best left alone.