Yanks Gunning For Rovers
Malcolm Glazer wasn’t the only American interested in taking over an English Premier League team. Others across the pond had their sights set on our own beloved Rovers.
Deep in the bayous of Louisiana, Gaylord and Beauregard were eating catfish pie while fishing and reading their local newspaper.
‘Well boll my weevil,’ said Gaylord. ‘Looks like that Glazer dude has gone and taken over a Limey soccer team.’
‘Oh Lordy.’ said Beauregard. ‘We’s all gonna have to have a piece of this cotton-picking soccer game now.’
‘Why Beau, I just see’d this team the pointy-headed boys is gonna wanna check out.’
‘Now what in tarnation gonna make the Klan wanna get into soccer?’ asked Beauregard.
‘Hey good buddy, they’s got this soccer team called Blackburn Rovers,’ replied Gaylord.
‘Yee, hee, hee,’ laughed Beauregard. ‘Why the Wizard’s gonna be wanting somathat. Don’t this there soccer business have crosses as part of the game too?’
‘Why for sure it does,’ said Gaylord. ‘Black Burn and fiery crosses. Sounds like it was made for the Klan. It’s also known as a cotton town too.’
‘Well I’ll be a gator’s gullet,’ said Beauregard. ‘Might even mean we ain’t gonna be short of work over there. They’ll never have heard of share croppers in England.’
‘Nope, be like being at home in the good ole delta.’
The two friends finish their dinner and decide to try their hand at football. Unfortunately, all they have available is the oval American football version of a ball. Every time they try to kick the ball towards each other, it flies in all directions. Their attempts at heading the ball and dribbling are even more fruitless. Eventually they call it a day and get back to picking cotton.
‘Does that Glazer fella really know what he’s let himself in fer?’ asks Beauregard. ‘I guess those darned turkey buzzards will be flying over him next year.’
‘It ain’t never gonna catch on anyway. How can you have a football season? I thought the four seasons in Louisiana were: duck, rabbit, deer and squirrel.’
‘I thought soccer was supposed to be a simple game,’ said Gaylord. ‘How they’s gonna kick the ball underneath the posts beats me.’
‘They even have a netminder to make it even more difficult. I thinks he’d better stick to the good old NFL,’ said Beauregard. ‘Everybody understands how this works. Soccer’s never gonna make it.’