Following complaints about access to toilet cubicles in Ewood Park, Blackburn Rovers are turning to their overweight fans for assistance.

This came about when toilet roll dispensers were put on the left-hand side of the Riverside cubicles.  It created difficulty for larger fans trying to gain access due to having to squeeze themselves round the door and avoid the dispenser getting in their way.

One fan said:  “Now I know how a snail feels trying to get back inside its shell.”

Rovers quickly realised their fans are gradually growing older, and putting weight on is part of the package.  They have promised to pursue policies which reflect the demographic make up of Britain’s 21st Century population.  They also intend to consult fans over how they think things can be improved.

Rovers Secretary Tom Finn said:  “We are heavily involved with players and staff who are supremely fit athletes.  Obesity is something we only see on television programmes, and never on ‘Footballer’s Wives’.  But if we can do our bit, we will be very happy to oblige.  We will throw our weight behind anything which is of assistance to a large group of our supporters.”

Ground staff at Ewood Park are to now look at seating and the perennial problem of turnstiles.  This latter subject has caused many difficulties for fans with less than sylph-like figures.  Some of Ewood’s larger supporters have described going through the turnstiles as an experience akin to being squeezed through a sausage machine.  The seats also tend to leave bigger fans at the sharp end of the situation.  Many leave games with a line across their kneecaps from the seat in front.

On the subject of catering for home and away fans.  Unfortunately part of the tradition of watching football is drinking beer and eating pies, burgers and other unhealthy foodstuffs.  The club hopes to bring in a range of healthy meals in future.  Hopefully the influence of Delia Smith at Norwich will also encourage fans to choose their pre-match refreshments very carefully.