Author: Roving Mick

Blackburn’s Rock Box CAMRA Members Discount

Posted by Roving Mick on August 1, 2022

Blackburn town centre’s Rock Box, across from the old town hall on King William Street, has brought in a special discount for Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA) members.  On production of a  current valid membership card, 20p will be knocked off the price of a pint of real ale.

This is part of the CAMRA Real Ale Discount Scheme (RADS).  It was set up following a request by licensees across the country as a way of promoting their real ale to card carrying CAMRA members.  It gives them a discount off the price of a pint, or half, of cask beer.  This means the price of a pint of real ale will be less than £3 in the Rock Box for CAMRA members.

Founded in 1971, the Campaign for Real Ale is one of Britain’s largest and most successful consumer groups.  It has over 150,000 members.  CAMRA not only fights for making real ale available in pubs and clubs, but for the promotion and protection of pubs and clubs themselves, along with breweries.

CAMRA members already receive £30 of beer tokens as part of their membership subscription.  This in effect means CAMRA are actually giving you £1.50 to be a member of their campaign.  But in Blackburn the only place you can redeem your vouchers off a pint of real ale is in our local Wetherspoon’s, The Postal Order.  For reasons best known to themselves, not all CAMRA members wish to frequent Wetherspoon’s pubs.  At least now they can get something back on their membership by calling for a pint in the Rock Box.

The Rock Box has been open nearly four years, since Andy and Karen Joss bought the former cocktail bar: Tiki Monkey.  In that time they have established their pub as a fixture in Blackburn town centre, especially for lovers of classic rock music.  They have also championed the cause of real ale with three hand pumps of cask beer being made available to real ale drinkers. Along with being able to watch classic rock music on the large TV monitors, there is also a dart board and pool table in the pub’s upstairs room.  So if you’re a CAMRA member, why not call in with your membership card and get 20p knocked off a pint.  In these times of austerity – every little bit helps.

Blackburn The Ultimate Satellite Town

Posted by Roving Mick on July 1, 2022

Blackburn has been deemed a suitable location for carrying out an attempt to try and become the largest earthbound satellite receiver there has ever been.  This is due to its geographical position and natural bowl shape, thanks to it being located in a river valley.

In the past, detractors have joked about how Blackburn would make a really good reservoir and flooding it would do the place a favour.  But it is hoped our town’s geography could be used to try and turn it into an artificial bowl style satellite receiver, using human beings as props in this process.  It would be done by persuading thousands of our townsfolk, along with lots of other enthusiastic out of town volunteers.  They would need to dress themselves up in aluminium foil and congregate together in selected positions around town.  If atmospheric conditions proved to be correct, as astronomers calculate, then signals from outer space could be collected and hopefully new important scientific discoveries made.

On the other side of our planet, China has finished building a 500-metre aperture spherical telescope (FAST), this is Earth’s largest single aperture telescope.  It is about the size of thirty football pitches.  Part of its task is to scan outer space for signs of intelligent alien life, among other functions.  Since operations began in January 2020, 500 new pulsars have been discovered.  China’s Academy of Sciences also claims it has obtained accurate magnetic field strength in molecular cloud, a region of the interstellar medium that seems ready to form stars.

On 14 June 2022, astronomers, working with China’s FAST telescope, reported a possibility of having detected artificial (presumably alien) signals, but cautioned further studies are required to determine if this was some kind of natural radio interference as its source.  To investigate these possible alien signals a much larger satellite receiver would need to be assembled.  But a temporary device could suffice if calculations proved correct.  Therefore, using a mobile satellite and improvising with people clad in foil could possibly pull off this attempt at an extra-terrestrial breakthrough.

Opportunities for Blackburn’s pubs, clubs, catering and hospitality industry would be immense if such a gathering could be organised.  It would also bring fame and fortune to our town if this experiment proved successful.  Can you imagine how the rest of our planet would see us in Blackburn, if we could prove intelligent life had been discovered here?  The possibilities are out of this world.

Unfortunately for us earthlings, any self-respecting passing alien observing thousands of human beings dressing themselves up in aluminium foil and forming themselves into a massive bowl, would probably want to make sure their cloaking device was working correctly.

Frackers Say Blackburn Site Would Do Well

Posted by Roving Mick on June 1, 2022

Controversial plans are in the pipeline to develop a 94 acre site on Blackburn’s outskirts for industrial development.  But a dispute has blown up over whether nuclear waste was dumped under this site when it was a disused coal mine back in the 1950’s.

At the same time another interested party has also expressed a desire to develop this land near Blackburn’s junction 5 of the M65 motorway.  An unnamed fracking company said this land would be ideal for carrying out hydraulic fracturing operations and they are so confident rumours of past nuclear dumping are false, they want to carry out a controlled explosion to demonstrate this site’s safety.

Still reeling from fracking activity being banned in Britain, this fracking firm believes it could help  kick-start their drilling process back into action across Britain.  They rubbished accusations of causing earth tremors not so many miles away from Blackburn, claiming what everybody really saw was freak activity out at sea, probably caused by a mini tsunami.  They say these events happen across the world and are part of nature.

One of the fracking directors said there is nothing to worry about as regards this current disputed site.  People have been watching its surroundings very carefully for donkey’s years due to rumours of alleged nuclear dumping.  Even the slightest hint of any kind of dumping activity would have bound to have been spotted by environmentalists.  There have been no signs of problems with wildlife either.  Nobody has seen any two headed sheep, lop-sided seagulls or owned dogs with learning difficulties.

This director stated fracking would be ideal to take place in what was originally a former coal mine.  After all, wasn’t the hydraulic fracturing process a form of mining?  What could be better for Blackburn than bringing back its mining heritage and one of its old industrial sites.  Plus, being a former colliery, there’s bound to be loads of gas down there, just waiting to be put on tap.

He also said he thought those gigantic wind turbines a few miles away were an eyesore and a blot on the landscape.  Whereas a fracking well would mean a big improvement for the local landscape.  When questioned about previous fracking protests complaining about dangers which had been caused to places around the world, the director said there was no need to worry about accidents, especially with an A&E Department at Royal Blackburn Hospital barely a mile down the road from this proposed site.

Not many people are happy with fracking.  Even less with the idea of hiding nuclear waste underground.  Out of sight is definitely not out of mind.  A very difficult subject, but it’s certainly not ‘boring’.

Angry Venky’s To Punish Rovers Players With Basin Haircuts

Posted by Roving Mick on May 1, 2022

Blackburn Rovers Indian owners, the Venky’s, are threatening to punish Rovers players for missing out on automatic promotion following their recent scoreless run.

Venky’s are threatening to force players to change their appearance and have basin haircuts.  This is symbolic in their home state in India of a frugal and a pious lifestyle.  Something they believe is severely lacking among today’s English footballers.

Inspiration for this originally came from an unusual historical source, namely the Bayeux Tapestry.  English forces under King Harold tended to have beards and long hair.  Whereas Norman soldiers under William the Conqueror were clean shaven and sported basin haircuts.  This may have been an advantage to the Normans at the Battle of Hastings, giving William’s outnumbered forces a spectacular victory and leaving 1066 as one of few dates in history most people remember.

Things were going well for Rovers recently, with us vying for a top of the table finish.  But things started going wrong as this new year took hold.  Every team has a barren run at some stage and Rovers also had some bad injuries.  But the way our momentum stopped gave cause for concern to Venky’s.  With them not being schooled in association football, they looked at other aspects of what they perceived was going wrong at Rovers.  India’s media is a fearsome place.  Journalists there follow the old adage:  ‘Never let truth get in the way of a good story’.  Their tabloid press is forever running stories about decadence amongst footballers, especially in Europe.  This may have clouded Venky’s judgement.

Venky’s study of the Bayeux Tapestry gave them a potted history of what was going on in England nearly a thousand years ago.  Things were confusing in 1066.  After all, we were still in the Dark Ages and the Venereal Bede wasn’t there any more to keep decent chronicles.

What we do know is Stamford Bridge was owned by a Roman.  He did a runner when Vikings arrived to seize his land under a leader called Harald.  This led Harold the Anglo-Saxon to go to Stamford Bridge and win a famous victory.  So after Harold beat a bunch of Norsemen from Scandinavia, he fancied his chances against these Norsemen from France.  Unfortunately for Harold, it meant a long march down to Hastings to confront Norman forces.  This didn’t go down well with his soldiers.  They were not only battle weary, but had a sense of foreboding when they saw Bill Haley’s comet on their way.  It made them shake, rattle and roll.

Despite this happening so long ago, we all know the result.  It was a home defeat and England’s manager was given the bullet, or rather in Harold’s case, it was an arrow.  This event from medieval history proved to be an eye-opener for Venky’s as well as King Harold.  They were particularly impressed with Norman discipline and appearance.  They also went on to create their own coat of arms, in the Norman style.  Plans for a castle may be in their pipeline too.

Under feudal Norman law, most people were owned along with land they inhabited.  Venky’s see no reason why this shouldn’t apply across their realm today, including prized assets like footballers.  Great changes could be on their way, including basin haircuts for players – Arte Et Labore!

Blackburn’s Shh Bar Heading For The Crossroads

Posted by Roving Mick on April 1, 2022

One of Blackburn’s finest buildings will be given a new lease of life when it opens up as a public house, the purpose for which it was originally built.

This impressive building at the crossroads of Northgate and Blakey Moor, first opened as a pub in 1897.  It has had various names over the years.  Originally opened as the Ribblesdale Hotel, it reputedly owned Blackburn’s largest pub sign.  It was renamed Gladstone’s when Blackburn’s statue of Britain’s former Prime Minister was moved to a plinth right outside the pub.  Old William Ewart still stands there to this very day.  He has been climbed on many occasion since being unveiled, most notably when Rovers won the FA Cup in 1928.  He was bedecked in a blue and white scarf and had a beer bottle placed in his outstretched hand to celebrate.  Ironically, Gladstone’s statue isn’t listed, but an old red GPO telephone box beside the pub is.

This pub was later renamed Baroque.  It seemed to be a trend back then, where the word ‘Bar’ prefixed many pubs, including a few in Blackburn.  Various nicknames were also inappropriately used with Bar for some of these pubs, including Fly, Stool and Steward.  As Baroque this place didn’t seem to last very long.  There were lots of complaints from nearby businesses, especially toy shops, about them having strippers strutting their stuff at teatimes.  Then a man climbing onto its roof with a meat cleaver probably didn’t help matters either.  And so this pub became empty for a long time.

Now the only strippers in here are working on its inside walls.  Restoration of this pub is part of the £3.8M Blakey Moor Townscape Heritage Initiative.  A project jointly funded by the National Lottery Heritage Fund and our local council.  It seeks to regenerate this historic area of Blackburn town centre and entice people to visit our town’s beating heart.

This building’s new tenant will be near neighbour Shh Bar.  It will move from its premises across the road on Northgate and relocate to a newly refurbished pub premises.  It will continue to keep its present name.  Opened in 2017, Shh has brought a refreshing change to Blackburn town centre’s pub culture.  ‘Ambience’ is a word often used to describe Shh Bar’s atmosphere.  Hopefully this will be transferred across to their new building when they move in.  Much interest and anticipation has been generated already by this proposed relocation.

Where Now Brown Cow?  Which Part of  Blackburn?

Posted by Roving Mick on March 1, 2022

Some good news is Blackburn’s Brown Cow pub on Livesey Branch Road reopening.  But it seems to have caused controversy amongst locals after this pub’s parent group said their hostelry was based in Blackburn’s Feniscowles district and not the Livesey part of town.

This pub is owned by Stonegate Group, which is one of Britain’s largest pub chains.  Their head office is in Solihull, but they are registered in the Cayman Islands.  Stonegate is owned by venture capitalists TDR Capital who are based in London.  TDR also own 50% of EG Group, in partnership with Blackburn’s Issa Brothers.  They are also in the same consortium, along with the Issa’s, which recently bought control of ASDA.

As regards Blackburn’s Brown Cow, Stonegate are calling it a Craft Union pub.  This sounds like music to the ears of us die-hard trade union members.  But an image of skilled electricians, plumbers and engineers working behind the Brown Cow’s bar is a bit fanciful.  It’s debatable whether Stonegate even recognises trade unions in this industry.  They certainly didn’t have any dealings with the cartographer’s union when they decided their pub’s address was in Feniscowles.

Harking back to a previous identity problem following boundary changes in 1974.  Cherry Tree and Feniscowles, which came under the old Chorley Rural District, became part of Blackburn.  Unfortunately this resulted in Livesey Branch Road having houses along it with the same door numbers as a legacy of this road originally being in two separate boroughs.

Perhaps there could be an answer to this mystery of why the Brown Cow has been placed in Feniscowles after all.  This may be down to Feniscowles actually having a cow in its name – immediately after Fenis.  No doubt Stonegate are glad our town is Blackburn and not Scunthorpe.  This latter town gave rise to the ‘Scunthorpe Problem’ of 1996 which AOL’s profanity filter prevented residents from this Lincolnshire town creating accounts with them due to a substring containing an obscene word.  Something similar also happened to Google’s SafeSearch filter with the same town.

On the bright side, at least we can breathe a sigh of relief that we could never suffer any confusion with Blackburn’s other Feniscowles pub at the top end of Livesey Branch Road – the Feildens Arms.  This is down to it not having an apostrophe like its namesake a few miles due north in Mellor Brook.  What a handy solution!

Blackburn’s Other Aqueduct

Posted by Roving Mick on February 1, 2022

Nearly everybody from Blackburn, especially Rovers fans, will know where Ewood Aqueduct is located.  This 200 year old Grade 2 listed building carries the Leeds Liverpool Canal over both the River Darwen and appropriately named Aqueduct Road.

But what many Blackburners might not realise is the Leeds Liverpool Canal also flows over an aqueduct on the east side of town to traverse Blackburn’s other river – the Blakewater.  It’s quite understandable why this structure is not very well known.  This aqueduct looks like an ordinary wall.  You have to look over the top of it to see why it is an aqueduct.

There can also be confusion trying to find its exact location on a map.  It is next to the oldest of Blackburn’s three Whitebirk bridges, this one is now closed to traffic and only used as a footpath.  It is Bridge Number 104B, not to be confused with Bridges 104, 104A, 104AA and 104C in this neck of the woods along the cut.

Just to add even more confusion, nobody seems sure what name to give the brook which flows underneath this aqueduct and what it is called officially round here.  It certainly is known as the River Blakewater as it flows through most of Blackburn and under its town centre.  But from its source near Guide it is known as Knuzden Brook.  When it reaches Intack it becomes known as Abbott Clough.  Though maps have it still called Knuzden Brook when it reaches Whitebirk.  Eventually it becomes the River Blakewater, flowing down to Witton Park, for its confluence with the River Darwen.

From where our multi named trickle starts, to somewhere near Greenbank Police Station, it also serves as an official boundary between Blackburn and Hyndburn.  It’s looking like our smaller populated neighbour has had a good land grab here.  Spending £1 buying Whitebirk Power Station’s old site turned out be money well spent by Hyndburn Council.

As for the Whitebirk Aqueduct, it continues a Blackburn tradition of blanking out views of this little river which gave our town its name.  But you can see the river when looking down from this canal vantage point.  Access to the riverbank from Bridge 104B is difficult due to it being overgrown and across a fly-tipped rubbish strewn terrain.

Whitebirk Aqueduct is not as large or spectacular as its fellow structure at Ewood.  But it has the distinction of being older and in use before Blackburn’s better known aqueduct.  This was because the Leeds Liverpool Canal was finally completed to the west of Blackburn, years after reaching Eanam Wharf.  So we can thank the Romans – and the navvies – for giving us not just one, but two aqueducts, carrying Britain’s longest canal through Blackburn.

Blackburn Wants To Be A City – More’s The Pity

Posted by Roving Mick on January 1, 2022

Like a bad penny in your pocket

Like a beggar wanting pity

That old chestnut’s here again

Blackburn wants to be a city

 

In your doorway on Darwen Street

Where you feel like a brass monkey

It really makes no difference at all

Whether Blackburn becomes a city

 

Blackburn supported Cromwell

While Preston supported the Crown

The royalty has never forgiven us

We’ll always stay a town

 

We couldn’t watch the Life of Brian

To Accrington we had to go

While national censors allowed it

Blackburn’s councillors said No!

 

Councillors know what’s best for us

They call it local democracy

But have any of them ever asked you

If we should be a town or a city?

 

Councillors in their chambers

Having a right good natter

Is Blackburn a town or a city?

Does it really matter?

 

They’ll still be closing pubs down

And Covid will still be in action

Turning Blackburn into a city

Is just a mild distraction

 

A city with no nightlife

Isn’t going to succeed

Town centre pubs back open

Is what we really need

 

Rovers fans will lament

They’ll be feeling down

No nay never no more

England’s most successful town

 

Does it make you lose sleep

Blackburn a town or city

All that’s going on in the world

Is it such a difficulty?

Jack Straw Statue Doesn’t Inspire Blackburn Public

Posted by Roving Mick on December 1, 2021

Following Barbara Castle’s bronze statue recently being erected in Blackburn town centre, speculation has been rife over whether something similar may be put up in memory of her successor.

Barbara Castle served as Labour MP for Blackburn from 1945 until 1979.  During her high profile career as a minister, she was involved in various important campaigns.  These included the Equal Pay Act, bringing in the breathalyser, seatbelts in in all new cars and rejuvenating Britain’s canals through greater leisure usage.

Jack Straw actually served longer as Blackburn’s MP than Barbara Castle.  He also held higher ministerial office than his predecessor, having been both Home and Foreign Secretary under Tony Blair.  But in comparison to ‘Battling Barbara’, it is often remarked how Jack Straw left his role as Blackburn MP without the same amount of affection as his predecessor.

Barbara Castle’s statue seems to have gone down well with a lot of people in Blackburn.  Along with WH Hornby representing Conservatives in the town and WE Gladstone for the Liberals, it could be said all three major parties are now equally represented by statues.  No doubt other political figures also have their admirers who would like to see statues put up in their honour.  But so far there have been no calls for a statue to be erected in honour of Jack Straw.

One of the problems here may be difficulties trying to find anybody prepared to put their hand in their pocket to raise the cost of a statue to Jack Straw.  Many of his former constituents probably feel he was well paid and could easily afford to pay for a memorial from his own finances.

Fortunately, a local farmer believes he might just have an answer to this problem.  He claims to have produced a scarecrow, appropriately called the Man of Straw, which bears an uncanny resemblance to Blackburn’s former MP.  He is prepared to let it go on show in Blackburn town centre once the harvest season is over and it’s done its job, scaring greedy birds away.

A suggestion has been made over where to place this farmer’s Man of Straw scarecrow.  Its temporary home would be on Church Street, outside Blackburn Market’s revolving door.  Here, members of the public and shoppers can be shown how easy it is to gain access to our market, giving them the benefit of spending a bit of cash – no questions asked!

Venky’s Coat of Arms Mystery

Posted by Roving Mick on November 1, 2021

At the beginning of this season, a letter from the Venky’s, Blackburn Rovers Indian owners, was published on the club’s website.  It later appeared in local mainstream and social media.

Perhaps the most talked about aspect of this letter was not its text, but there appeared a monogrammed coat of arms at the top of this letter.  It inspired a great deal of mirth from many Rovers fans.  This heraldic display contained two white chickens on either side of a large golden egg topped by a blue crown.

No doubt, many people will have different interpretations of what this coat of arms actually signifies.  Could it be trying to solve that greatest scientific mystery of them all?  What came first, the chicken or the egg?  Perhaps Venky’s, with their vast knowledge and experience of both, have found the answer.

At the bottom of this coat of arms is their family name – Rao.  Upon first sight, this looks pretty obvious.  But is it really a secret message?  Maybe it is a statement saying:  ‘Rovers Are Ours’.  Balaji Rao, said to be the letter’s author, also has the same initials as Blackburn Rovers.

Venky’s are known for their vast business empire and lavish wealth.  They are also known to be great admirers of Britain’s aristocracy.  They even met the queen on one of their very rare visits to Blackburn, preferring to see Her Majesty rather than watching Rovers play at home.  This has led to speculation over the Rao family wishing to feather their nests by becoming part of their own Indian establishment. 

Mrs Desai, known as Madam, expects not just to be addressed by this title, but she also expects people addressing her to bow first.  Madam puts this down to breeding.  After all, her family has been breeding chickens for many years.

Perhaps Venky’s see their ownership of a historical English football club as being a way of joining their own Indian aristocracy.  Before partition of British India in 1947, into India and Pakistan, there were around 600 princely states during the Indian Raj.  Each ruler of these states had their own coats of arms as their royal symbols.  If Venky’s wish to see themselves as part of India’s elite, they obviously would need some form of status symbol such as their own coat of arms.

Surprisingly, despite becoming a republic after independence, India still has a fair number of its own royal families dating from the Raj.  Some of these have continued where they left off under British rule, with their wealth, power and influence.  Balaji Rao already appears to have the lifestyle of an Indian playboy prince.  He may one day wish to take things further and create his own title – the Maharaja of Blackburn.  Could this herald a new beginning for Rovers?